it's been a while

So I really need/want to go to bed now but I am watching a few more minutes of the Red Sox v. Indians ALCS Game 7. Awesome game by the way. Well some thoughts. I have been thinking a lot about family lately and the people who really are important in my life. An old friend's father was killed in a motorcycle accident last week and I attended the funeral and viewing. It really brought me home. As much as I 'hate' to say it --> I am a homegirl. I am my father's daughter. I have had many losses in the last few years: my two amazing grandparents as well as my best friend this past summer. With Mr. Beane's death this past week and my frequent thoughts about my decisions about my future I am brought back to the importance of my support system. I cannot ignore that. Sometimes I try to look past it as I am afraid it keeps me somewhat 'inside my box'. I wonder how I might grow with the challenge of being 'more distant'. This is perpetually on my mind. But times like these remind me of how important they are in my life. Ideally I could have both, which I am sure is a very conceivable reality, but maybe it is just not very clear for me right yet. My family is amazing. They are/have been there for me every step of the way in everything I do. I don't know what I would do or where i would be without them. So I guess just throwing that our there.

Rash decisions HAHA

So this afternoon I decided I don't feel like waiting an extra year to go to med school. There is so much hype right now about the whole idea and all the things I want to do to prepare. All the sudden I realized...great...so when I graduate I'll have already applied and everything and just have to wait like almost a year and a half to go to med school. The extra time would give me more time (essentially my senior year...one more year) to have awesome experiences to enhance my application. But I will be applying basically the summer after I graduate and have to wait over a year to actually go. I mean, I wanted the extra time to make myself a better applicant...and i wasn't sure like how ready i would be for the MCAT. But I sort of feel like I want to go for it. But that makes my life even more of a hell-on-earth experience for the next year. 15-16 credits of upper level science courses per semester, full MCAT test prep course, working in the lab at FDA, working towards getting my EMT certification, volunteering at the firehouse, shadowing some doctors (i'm sure i'm forgetting some things)....yeah and i'm supposed to do this all at the same time...without forgetting to eat, sleep, workout...all I can tell myself is...DIVE RIGHT IN! GO FOR IT! YOU CAN DO IT! I'm going to go talk to my adviser tomorrow and make sure i am not totally insane. Wish me luck haha.

Fall is Here

Last night was Maryland Madness, the event kicking off this year's basketball season! Yay! It was so great to be back at Comcast with the 'Bullies'. I really do feel at home there. (Oh yeah so there's a small group of students and alumni that attend all of the women's basketball games. We sit in the front row and really are the main support for the women's team. I guess someone decided to start calling our 'group' Brenda's Bullies and so that is how we identify ourselves as a group now.) It's so much fun to just go over to the game and lose yourself in the excitement...go totally crazy and not feel self-conscious about it. You become very loyal and it has really been a huge part of my experience at maryland. The people I have met are a lot of fun and everything about it is just great. Can't wait for the kickoff game -- October 31st -- we have a real treat -- exhibition game against the US National Team. THAT is gonna be awesome. 18 days and counting.

Well this has been a slow morning. I'm not exactly sure what to do. I'm taking a free practice MCAT at 12 and until then i don't really know what to do. I don't think i want to do homework...since i'm going to be taking an intense test for several hours. It's something like 45 degrees outside right now -- don't think i really want to go running yet. I don't watch TV anymore.

Updates: So I think I am going to pursue the EMT thing again. I have found that it is something that i really want to do. I think I will go over to the college Park station later today and talk to them. Argh I know there's gonna be this huge barrier though..like you hafta come a ride along for 3 months before we get the idea you really are interested haha. I AM INTERESTED. I WANT TO DO THIS. I guess I just am nervous and just want it to be comfortable. And I want to be taken seriously. Last time i tried to do EMT it didn't really work out the way i planned..i hardly got anywhere. This time, I want it to work out. I want to find a home I like, enjoy being there, be able to take a class sometime soon, and then get to start being an active EMT. Haha i never thought that volunteering would be so complicated haha.

time

Today was a good day overall. Well...the last part of it was good. I am again feeling confident about choosing medicine as a career. This semester has sucked big time and I was feeling unenthusiastic and depressed about the idea of med school. I am a perfectionist. I expect myself to get straight A's and am confident in my ability to study hard enough to do so. Sooooo when things don't turn out exactly the way I expect or things present difficulty I am seriously surprised...at least when it comes to school. ANYWAYS today I got my enthusiasm back. The pre-med society had a medical student panel....Maryland alum who are now med students came in and talked to us and answered questions. It brought me back to reality and made me feel like medicine is really a very suitable career choice for me and that I am going to be fine and I should just have fun and try to get as many awesome experiences as I can. My grades will be good enough so just have fun...embrace it as a dream...not as an obligation...BECAUSE IT IS NOT AN OBLIGATION. This is something i really want to do, I can do it, I am going to be a great doctor. I need to remember that everything is going to be fine. I am human and it is all going to work out just great! So it was inspiring to say the least :-).

The other thing I find (when i get excited again..and don't feel crappy) is that there is so much i want to do...so many experiences I want to have...but there is soooo little time to have all these experiences it seems. I want to do this research program at UCSF this coming summer, I want to work in the lab at FDA this year, I want to shadow some doctors, I want to do some tutoring, I want to travel, I want to become an EMT...and there just isn't enough time...oh yeah and I hafta go to school too! I am SURE i left a lot of things out of that list hmm like less structured things like...being obsessed with MD women's bball, maybe meeting a boy....Anyways...how can i do it all???

I see the light...

Finally my stretch of exams is over!!! Thank the lord. I thought the last two, Climatology and Microbiology, went pretty well. We shall see! All I know is I studied my ass off the last few weeks and now I am taking a split second to relax!
Just got back from my first run in 10 days. God did I feel like shit. Only did 2 miles since I felt like I was gonna be sick - but I ate real quick right before I left so I was asking for it. 10 days ago I did 6 miles so I know I've still got it - just gotta shape up. I felt extremely heavy while I was running and my legs felt like lead. Message: take care of yourself. Don't let your body go any more than you must. It is your machine, powerhouse of your body. Treat it with respect. Feed it well and move it as much as possible. Deal.